The Morning After the Night Before

Do you ever wake-up in the middle of the night, pick-up your phone or tablet, and find yourself accidentally browsing small kitchen appliances? No? Unfortunately, I am one of those people. I appear to lack judgement in the dark, and have purchased a plethora of electronic gadgets, some of which I don’t even remember buying until I open my emails in the morning and see an order confirmation.

 

What is to blame for me getting out my credit card and tapping in the numbers in the middle of the night? Is the witching hour – a period of intense supernatural activity – to blame for me making superfluous purchases? And why do paranormal entities insist on me buying small kitchen appliances, like a churros maker, instead of something useful, like sellotape or new batteries for my torch? Does the paranormal not care for practicalities?

 

Maybe it’s a kind of sleep disorder… shopolepsy, perhaps. I find myself buying the kind of appliances I know in the harsh light of day I don’t need, but can miraculously find multiple and sometimes urgent justifications for buying in the witching hour.

 

No one really thinks they need yet another plug-in appliance to clog-up their cupboards, gathering dust and acting as a cruel reminder of your lack of willpower, yet I don’t know anyone who hasn’t bought at least one gadget that wasn’t a waste of money. Spiraliser, anyone?

 

We must remember that temptation abounds in the marketing we’re bombarded with on a daily basis. My churros maker was marketed with an abundance of pictures of people having a whale of a time. The smiles on their faces as families gather around freshly made churros! The children laughing! It’s all so fun and so very aspirational.

 

However, if fun isn’t the marketing’s aim, then a promise to make your life easier surely is. One morning after a night of illicit shopping, I cancelled an order for an electronic pie maker. I realised that I don’t make pies often enough to ever need a six-pie maker (especially as there are only a couple of us in the house), and what’s worse is that making pies from scratch isn’t even difficult. A waste of money.

 

If you are guilty of buying a popcorn machine that sits, forlorn, at the back of a cupboard, or you purchased a cake pop maker that was used once or twice then forgotten about, then go easy on yourself. Whether it’s the witching hour, "shopolepsy" or the aspirational marketing, I don’t think it’s your fault.

 

And now I must end this article, so I can read my new waffle maker’s instruction booklet. Don’t judge me, I needed one! I think…